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the most wonderful thing of the year

July 16, 2009

i hate spiders. i hate hate hate spiders. i hate them.
and whenever i tell people that, instead of sympathy i get: “they can’t hurt you,” and “but they’re so small” and “just ignore them”.
did i say i hate them because they’re big? did i say i hate them because they can hurt me? no. i hate them because there is something in my mind that snaps whenever i see one. it’s like a glow stick full of fear, in this inner compartment in my brain, and it breaks open and all the fear pours down into my head and neck and heart and legs.
which is why a recent discovery of mine (actually a recent discovery of ruth’s, which she was so kind as to share with me), is the Most Wonderful Thing of the Year.
spider spray. you spray it in your room, in the bathroom, in the basement, on the porch, anywhere. then, the spiders die. and it keeps them AWAY for 2 WEEKS. and then you spray it again. and it smells like lavender. i don’t like the smell of lavender much, but i looooove the smell of no spiders.
but this morning i found a spider in my shower. and i’d already used all of my spider spray up (but not in the shower. dang). i threw some shampoo bottles at it but have unfortunate aim. so i skipped the whole showering thing altogether. and i smell terrible.
i’m going to buy all the spider spray that walmart has, and i’m going to douse everything in it; my shower, my desk, my fiance, and my porch. i’m going to be like that old lady i saw in a public bathroom, who carried around a bottle of febreeze just in case she ran into a bad smell.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 20, 2009 5:41 am

    Ha! I was right! The phantom Jen is discovered!

  2. July 17, 2009 10:59 pm

    There she is again, the phantom Jen. That wasn't me again, Elena. You know what, I think it's Jen Wilson and she's changed something so it doesn't come up Mrs. Wilson anymore. You should find out…quick! She's on the loose!
    The Glen Jen

  3. July 17, 2009 12:45 am

    THEY MAKE SPIDER SPRAY????? I hate them too. I am SO going to buy some.

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