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free awkward hugs

March 22, 2010

i need to stop hugging people. not all people; people-i-don’t-know people.
no, it’s not like that.
it’s like this:
i saw this woman today–which was fine. i see women often so that part is… i digress.
she looked at me, and then she made this “I KNOW YOU!!!” face.
because it’s a force of habit and logical thinking: as soon as someone, anyone, breaks out the “I KNOW YOU!!!” face, i get mine on too. because logic would say if you know ME, i know YOU.
however: logic, though logical, is not always right. it is actually astounding to me how often logic turns out to be not right–not even similar to right.
logic is one of those people who you argue with and argue with but you never win because even if you’re right, you’re wrong. because they’re right. always. but really only about 30% of the time. but the point is not that.
the point is that i made my “I KNOW YOU!!!” face back and that caused her to come a-runnin into my open arms.
oh yes. i hugged her. i hugged her good and hard. in a fashion that said, “i’ve missed you! it’s been so long! you’re my long-lost siamese twin! how come you never call me anymore! and also will you be my bridesmaid! please?”

the reason The Hug is a mistake:
1) what if you hug her and THEN she realizes she doesn’t know you? then she’ll be like, “why did you hug me? creep.”
b) what if you hug her and then she realizes you don’t know who she is? embarrassing, at best.
3) what if you hug her and then you realize she was making her “I KNOW YOU!!!” face at the person behind you? exponentially worse than death.

so anyways. i hugged her. and that meant that i had to see this thing through, convince her that i knew who she was, even though i totally didn’t, have a semi-meaningful conversation and part ways as “friends”, just to save us both from total embarrassment.
and i did just that.
and i did it well.
like always (yes, this happens kind of a lot).
i asked searching questions that i hoped wouldn’t reveal my dirty little secret: “so…{quick wedding/engagement ring check} how’s that husband of yours doing?” “wow, when was the last time i saw you, anyways?” and my favorite, “how’s life? you happy?”
we talked for a good 15 minutes. like old friends.
which, in all actuality, we very well could have been.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 24, 2010 2:08 am

    haha…I laughed so hard I cried cause I could totally picture it! And then I shared this fun little story with my roomate and she laughed pretty hard too! You are too fabulous Suz!!!!

  2. March 23, 2010 5:05 am

    I also love the “How's life? You Happy?” It's definitely a win.

  3. March 22, 2010 9:14 pm

    You made my morning!
    I have had a few awkward hugs myself. The other time a hug can be a real burden is when you go for the hug and they, for the handshake. Don't even get me started on handshakes.

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